God Knows I’m Trying

I find this reading from the Gospel of John terrifying. Absolutely and downright frightening, Jesus says, “This is my command, love one another as I have loved you.” Eight words that sometimes lead me into feelings of failure. It is probably some kind of personality flaw. I have an absolute desire and commitment to meet and exceed the expectations set for me by those I love and respect. Often, I have thought in “loving as Jesus loves,” I fall short, sometimes far short of the mark.

I don’t want to make excuses or minimize the call of Jesus, but I decided to take a good look at how and who Jesus loved. I want to know how and who He is calling me to love. 

Jesus loved the broken, the sick, the marginalized, and the downtrodden. The sick and the lame came to Him. He willed to cure a leper and respected a woman about to be stoned for her sin. He healed the son of a government official and empowered a woman rejected by society in Samaria. Jesus stood with hands and heart open to those who came to Him, and He loved them.

Jesus’ love was embracing and accepting. He did not send people away or judge them unworthy of His love and care because they were foreigners. He loved the Samaritans and the Gentiles. He did not reject them because of their job or their beliefs. He ate with tax collectors and sinners. He called Zacchaeus out of a tree and ate at his house. He welcomed Nicodemus and the Centurion into His circle of loving.

Jesus loved His family and His friends. He loved Martha, Mary, Lazarus, His disciples, Mary of Magdala, and His mother, father, and brothers. 

Jesus loved those who disappointed Him. He loved Peter, who He once called Satan and who denied Him. Jesus loved Judas, who betrayed Him. He continued to love the disciples even when they were far from understanding what He was trying to teach them.

Alrighty then, I am not feeling much better yet about loving as Jesus loved.

But then I remember that Jesus did not seek out those who would reject Him and His message. The scripture consistently tells us He ministered to those who came to Him. Jesus responded to the needs of those who presented themselves. Even those who came to test Him, he responded to with love and compassion. He did not seek them out. If they went to a town that did not accept them, Jesus directed them to shake the dust from their feet. He left Nazareth because they did not believe, and He could perform no miracles there. I am not implying that Jesus did not love those who tried and tested Him. But He was careful and cautious in His dealings with them. Perhaps, He loved them from afar. Waiting and wanting them to accept His love.

There is something for us to learn from that. Jesus modeled for us that sometimes we can only love from a distance. Jesus avoided toxic situations where His peace of heart and soul would be disturbed and offended. Jesus was modeling for us that sometimes love requires stepping back. Sometimes loving someone means stepping away. 

Loving means giving myself permission not to be overwhelmed in negative situations or with toxic people. Jesus gave us permission to love those who disturb our peace of soul from a distance and to pray for them from afar. This is also the love Jesus modeled. It is a love that hurts but is necessary.  I cannot care for and love anyone else until I love and care for myself.

I hope I am not fooling myself, but I don’t feel quite so bad about my ability to love as Jesus did. No doubt, I still fail often, but God knows I am trying. 

In God’s Unending Love,

Gwen