Do You Also Want to Leave?
Have you ever noticed that Peter did not answer the question that Jesus asked the disciples? In fact, in the Gospel, none of the Disciples answered Jesus’ question.
Jesus is getting down to the heart of the matter with the disciples and the crowd that follows him. Now Jesus is in the tough stuff. Who He is and what that means for them if they are to continue following Him. Jesus isn’t casting out demons or performing miracles. They have been fed, healed, and forgiven. Instead, Jesus is giving them the bottom line. “Unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood, you have no part of me.” “No one comes to the Father except through me.”
The crowds that heard Jesus speaking those words were shocked and disturbed. They didn’t understand. No longer was following Jesus about them, now it was about Jesus and who He is and what that means if they continue to follow. The rubber has hit the road.
The Gospel tells us that they found this a “hard teaching,” and many left Him. Jesus was prompted to ask the disciples, “Do you also want to leave?” They didn’t answer the question. Instead, Peter responds, “To whom shall we go. You have the words of eternal life?” That isn’t what Jesus asked them.
Reflecting on this reading, I realized that I have wanted to leave like the crowds did. I wanted to leave when what life asked of me seemed too hard. I wanted to leave when I was alone feeling abandoned by God. I wanted to leave when I was unjustly treated and judged by the institutional Church. When the pain, loneliness, and loss in life screamed out in hurt and anger, “It’s unfair!” I wanted to leave. But I didn’t. Because like Peter “To whom would I go?”Jesus has the words of everlasting life.
Perhaps, that is why Peter didn’t answer the question. Maybe he, too, found the words that Jesus spoke difficult and beyond His understanding. Perhaps he heard them, and they frightened him. No doubt the teaching of Jesus was blasphemy. Peter knew the penalty for blasphemy, and that had to scare him. Was this revelation of who Jesus is just a “step too far?” Peter knew what kind of trouble was brewing, and this kind of talk was putting them all on an impossibly difficult road. If Peter had answered the question, maybe his honest answer, the answer that was fermenting in his uncertainty and fear, would have been, “Yes, I want to leave. Any one with a sane mind would want to leave. What are you talking about? Eat your flesh, drink your blood, have you lost your mind?” Instead of responding in his anxiety, fear, and uncertainty, Peter falls back on His faith, love, and trust in Jesus. Peter pushed back the uneasiness and speaks words that reflect his ultimate passion, “To whom would we go, only You have the words of life?”
Life sometimes gets hard for all of us. We don’t think we dare to take another step. We get slapped around by loss, grief, and fear, and we just want to run away and hide. The seeming unfairness of life, feelings of abandonment by God, and anger can overwhelm us. We want to scream out in our pain. Yet, it is in those times, we need most to run to the Lord, not away from Him. We need to pour out our pain.
It is in our most difficult times that we need to receive His Body and Blood the most. It is when we are most broken that we most need Eucharist. We eat His body and drink His blood for the strength to stay on the journey. Jesus is the bread that comes down from heaven. He is our strength when we are at our weakest.
When we want to leave, we must give God all the hurt and pain that overwhelms us. Just dump on God the anger and disappointment and then cling to Him with every ounce of strength we have. It is in His life broken, given, and received, body and blood, that we will find strength, hope and comfort.
It is in Eucharist that we are healed.
In God’s Unending Love,
Gwen
