Called to be Perfectly Imperfect
These readings are so powerful. I absolutely love them. Yet if I am honest, they make me feel guilty and ashamed.
In my youth, when I entered the convent, the words of Samual could have been my own. “Here I am, send me!” I fancied myself like Peter leaving home, friends, belongings, only intent on following the Lord.
Ahh, but life has tempered my arrogance. As I prayed with these readings, I started by apologizing to God. I felt deep sorrow for all the ways in my 65 years that I have not dropped everything and followed Him. I apologized for clinging to stuff, to people, even to getting my way. I was ashamed of turning a deaf ear when I did not want to hear what God asked of me. Just as I started sinking into a pit of self-loathing and self-pity. I heard the voice of Jesus. It called me back. He whispered in my ear, be still, breathe, and listen. This is what Jesus said.
“O Dear One, calm down and come to me. No matter how many times I tell you, you keep forgetting. Stop judging yourself. Listen to me. Turn off the voices in your head and relax. I have you now, be still.
Yes, I asked Peter and the others to leave everything and follow, and they did. But you don’t know the whole story. You have allowed the words to stop you. You have allowed them to punish you. So let me tell you the entire story.
Peter did leave everything to follow. But it wasn’t an easy road. He had some rough times throughout his life, trying to figure it out. So many times, he wanted to quit and go back to fishing. He wanted to go back to where it was safe. Peter wanted to forget that he ever knew me. He said some of the most foolish things, and he even denied me and ran away. But you know what, that is why I choose Him. I didn’t pick him because he was perfect; I chose him for the same reason I chose you. I love you, and I know you love me. That is why I choose you.
When I ask you to come and follow me, I am not asking for your body; I ask for your heart. When I invite you to give up everything, it isn’t about stuff. I am asking you to make me, to make my Father, first in your heart.
My friend Peter wasn’t perfect at following. No one has been. There is no saint in all of history that followed perfectly. No one gets it right every time. Perfect doesn’t exist.
I will let you in on a secret. I didn’t always understand what my Father asked of me either. But I loved Him, and when I wavered, He gave me strength. When I doubted whether I was getting through to anyone, my Father held me close and helped me see He was one with me. When I worried that I wasn’t doing well enough, my Father soothed my heart and assured me I was His Son and loved. Even when I was in the Garden and asked Him to not make me endure the pain that would follow. He was there. When I couldn’t take another step on the way to Calvary, He was the strength that got me up when I fell. My Father was the love that kept me trudging up that hill.
When you worry you aren’t following well enough, remember no one gets it right every time. When you fear you have failed as a follower of mine, stop and rest in me. I’ve got you. Do not worry, do not be afraid. Trust your heart; I am there.
In your efforts to live love, there is no recrimination. Think about it this way, you are perfectly imperfect. And that is just the way I want you.
Take courage. You are exactly who I want, and you are doing just fine.”
I believe Jesus gave me these words not just for me this week, but for you too. May God bless you with a glimpse of His overwhelming love for you.
In God’s Unending Love,
Gwen
