From the Pastor’s Pen

The powers of the Heaven’s will be shaken

And then they will see the Son of Man 

coming in a cloud with power and great glory.

Below my condo in North Fort Myers, there’s a seawall on the Caloosahachee Bay with a sweeping view of the water emptying into the Gulf of Mexico. Just as we entered the Third Millennium, I loved to go down there in the evening with a glass of wine and have a “cocktail hour with Christ.” I called this practice my “Jazz Vespers,” and there was a certain romance and charm to it that appealed to my penchant for beauty.

I was 47 years old and ten years into my priesthood when, as the sun was setting, I was moved to put down my breviary and just behold the scenario unfolding before me. Huge white cumulous clouds were tinged yellow and deep gray. The wind began whipping the water, and I could see a gale approaching in the distance.

Suddenly, I was stunned by an insight. In a flash, I saw clearly that all these years of spiritual “development,” I had been constructing a mental picture of the Jesus Christ I wanted and needed him to be. I felt not only that I knew him well, but I adored him, and continually sought his presence — often in a spirit of yearning and longing. I preached about this Jesus. I led others to love him as I did. All had been well up until this point. 

My, but the “powers of my personal heaven” were shaken that unforgettable evening. All of it was an illusion. It was clear to me now. Up until this moment I was deluded into worshiping a god of my own making. There was no question that, if I was to grow spiritually, this had to stop. I was called to hurl that mental construct into the sea. Then, I realized in terror, there would be nothing left for me to hold onto, no concretized deity to cling to — “said the bird as she began to fly,” the still, small Voice in my heart whispered.

I was called to repent that night, which word means to think again. I had to drop my ideas about God — and let God be God. The great Meister Ekhart wrote that holiness is attained not by the addition of anything to the soul, but by a process of subtraction. It struck me forcefully that spiritual growth now meant unlearning everything they taught me in school and seminary. The Kingdom of God was at hand, it was right here staring me in the face, only I didn’t see it. I was blind to the Reality of the Kingdom by my prejudicial, programmed ideas. I had to drop those and then do what the prophets cried themselves hoarse to tell us: Watch! Wake up, O Sleeper! Stay awake!

The gospel pages tell us that when we become thoroughly disillusioned, when these signs begin to happen, stand erect and raise your heads, because your redemption is at hand.

Ah, there’s the liberating freedom we all long for. Just resign all control and allow God to manifest Godself in the Reality which is happening every day. When we pray “Thy will be done,” understand that God’s will is done. Period. Am I awake to what is happening in Reality now? Have I got the sensitivity of heart and the openness of mind to be aware and to respond accordingly, in love? There’s something to ponder.

In God’s Unfailing Love,

Father Jerry