Humility and Healing
I am stepping off the beaten path this weekend and writing about forgiveness and reconciliation. The season of Lent naturally leads us to thoughts of being better people, getting our lives in order, and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This is my first time writing about the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Confession. But the topic calls me, so let’s see where God takes me.
I have had a love/hate relationship with the Sacrament of Reconciliation most of my life. When I was growing up, we went to confession once a month, and honestly, it didn’t mean much. Later, I wanted it to mean more, and I struggled to find a way for the Sacrament that would be more than an inch deep in my life.
Even at this age, the Sacrament of Reconciliation and going to confession bring about internal angst and anxiety. The Sacrament is intended to be the most significant source of healing and peace. Yet, anxiety and guilt often override the peace. I don’t think I am alone in those feelings.
It may be because we start in the wrong place. The quest for forgiveness shouldn’t emphasize what we did wrong but where we are broken.
One of my favorite healing stories in the Gospels is the story of the bent-over woman. The woman is in the crowd. She does not ask for healing. She does not see that she needs anything from Jesus. She is there watching. Jesus calls her from the crowd, forgives and heals her. She can stand up straight again, as she hasn’t for years. The burden that held her down and bent her over, Jesus removed from her. She was freed from a burden she did not even know she carried.
Many times, we are like that bent-over woman. We have gotten used to the burdens we carry. We have adjusted our gait and attitude, so we hardly notice the brokenness that holds us back. We barely acknowledge the weight of the past burdens that we carry.
As we make our way toward Easter, this Lent may be time to look much more deeply into our lives, history, brokenness, and pain. Perhaps it is now that we can make a confession that reaches the very bottom of our souls. A confession that brings us the kind of healing that Jesus promises.
Sin is very often born from our pain. If we are brave enough to dig down below the sinful actions and find the root cause, we may be on our way to true reconciliation. The Sacrament of Reconciliation may be as life-changing for us today as was the forgiving power of Jesus for the bent-over woman.
An example may help. If the sin I always find myself confessing is one of being judgmental of others. Indeed, I can admit that and want to change. But if I never get past it, I never reach down past the judgmental attitude toward the little kid who never felt good enough. If I never get down deep enough in my soul to ask Jesus not just to heal my judgmental attitude but to heal the kid in me that always felt lacking, I will continue to be judgmental. The kid inside me who learned that putting others down made me not feel so bad about myself is where the root of the healing and forgiveness is needed.
Reconciliation is difficult. Reconciliation is about forgiveness and healing. It is about forgiving others who hurt me, forgiving myself for the ways I have failed, and being humble enough to physically stand in the presence of God and ask for forgiveness and healing in the deepest part of our souls.
The Sacrament of Reconciliation should never be rote. It should never be what we do because it is what we do. Reconciliation is about our deepest and most broken parts being made whole through God’s power and love. That is far too important not to be done with absolute truth, humility, and hope.
Confession done “heart-fully” lifts our burdens and frees us from all that holds us back. It frees us from our history and our pain and gives us a future filled with hope. Jesus calls us from the crowd and wants to remove the burden that keeps us bent over. It is time to let Him.
In God’s Unending Love,
Gwen
