Naming the Wind

The Gospel today is the story of a storm at sea and Jesus walking on water. It is a beautiful story. Perhaps more than any other, this is the story to read when we struggle with our faith. This is the story that gives not just hope but a clear direction in moments of doubt.

As I prayed with this Gospel, I was drawn to something I have never really thought about before. I began thinking about the wind. The wind came up all of a sudden. The boat was tossed about, and the disciples were afraid. 

They saw Jesus walking toward them on the water. Peter boldly steps out onto the water with full faith in Jesus. When he feels the force of the wind, he doubts and begins to sink into the water. It is a story we know well.

The wind! Peter’s faith was stable until he felt the force of the wind. The wind whipping around him brought him to doubt. That brought me to the question that has been the center of my prayer for several days. What are the “winds” in my life that cause me to doubt when they swirl around me?

Doubt is a part of all of our lives. Without doubt, there is no faith, there is fact. Many very holy people, saints, struggled mightily with doubt. Saint Jane Frances de Chantal, Saint Paul of the Cross, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux and Saint Teresa of Calcutta are just a few of the saints that we know struggled with doubt and darkness in their faith. They were tossed about by winds that caused them to doubt.

Knowing we stand in good stead in the shadow of these holy men and women, I took courage and prayed to identify the winds that bring forth doubt in me. My first challenge was to accept that doubt is not a weakness. It certainly wasn’t for the saints who went before me. Instead, it is the striving of the soul for truth. But all of that is in my head. It is only in my heart that I can name the winds that plague me. 

Naming the wind is a frightening task. It requires a deep soul searching. It has made me want to jump back into my head and make this a more thought-filled rather than a soul-searching reflection. But, I know both you and I deserve better than that.

The winds that cause doubt in us differ and they have names. They may be named, Inadequacy, Loneliness, Anger, Addiction, Depression, Anxiety, Fear of Rejection, Poor Self-Image, Not Good Enough, Pessimism, Ego, Narcissism, Selfishness, Pride, or a myriad of other names. The winds are real, and they lead us to doubt ourselves and God. We pray with a vulnerable heart to be able to name our winds. 

The winds are Demons that whip around us. They are forceful, and we often are not strong enough to fight them alone, so we doubt. And like Peter, we start to sink away from the Lord and away from our faith. 

I pray to know the names of my demons, so I can identify them when the winds begin to assail me. Knowing their names gives me power. Then with the help of Jesus, we can calm them.

Saint Peter, Saint Jane Frances de Chantal, Saint Paul of the Cross, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, and Saint Teresa of Calcutta are bright lights of hope when doubt seems to be winning the battle for our soul. They all did the same thing in their uncertainty and in their darkness. They reached out their hand and called on the name of Jesus. He pulled them from the pit of doubt and placed them back on the path of faith. 

Doubt does not come only once in our life. We know from these Holy Ones that the strong winds will often assail us sometimes for extended periods. When the Demons of doubt push us around, we like Peter, Jane Frances, Paul of the Cross, Thérèse, Teresa, and all other Holy Men and Women of God in trust call out Jesus’ name. He will grasp our hand and pull us from the sea of doubt. 

In God’s Unending Love,