Naming the Wind

Today’s Gospel is the story of a storm at sea and Jesus walking on water. It is a beautiful story. Perhaps more than any other, this is the story to read when we struggle with our faith. This is the story that gives not just hope but a clear direction in moments of doubt.

As I prayed with this Gospel, I was drawn to something I had never considered. I began thinking about the wind. The wind came up, and the boat was tossed about. The disciples were afraid. 

They saw Jesus walking toward them on the water. Peter boldly steps out onto the water with complete faith in Jesus. When he feels the force of the wind, he doubts and begins to sink into the water. It is a story we know well.

The wind! Peter’s faith was stable until he felt the force of the wind. The wind whipping around him brought him to doubt. That got me to the question that has been the center of my prayer for several days. What is the wind that causes me to doubt?

Doubt is a part of all of our lives. Without doubt, there is no faith. Without faith, there is only fact. Many very holy people, saints, struggled mightily with doubt. Saint Jane Frances de Chantal, Saint Paul of the Cross, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, and Saint Teresa of Calcutta are just a few of the saints that we know struggled with doubt and darkness in their faith. They were tossed about by winds that caused them to doubt.

Knowing we stand in good stead in the shadow of these holy men and women, we can take courage and pray to identify the winds that lead us to doubt. The first challenge is overcoming our belief that doubt is a personal weakness or failure. It wasn’t for the saints who went before us. Doubt is the striving of the soul for truth. We must dig deeply into our souls to name the winds of doubt that haunt us. 

Naming the wind is a frightening task. It requires deep soul searching. It is easier to stay in my head and think about doubt than dig deep into my soul and feel it.

The winds that cause doubt in us differ, and they have names. They may be named, Inadequacy, Loneliness, Anger, Addiction, Depression, Anxiety, Fear of Rejection, Poor Self-Image, Not Good Enough, Pessimism, Ego, Narcissism, Selfishness, Pride, or a myriad of other names. The winds are real, leading us to doubt ourselves and God. We pray with hearts open and vulnerable enough to name our winds. 

The winds are Demons that whip around us. They are forceful, and we cower at their power over us, so we doubt. And like Peter, we start to sink away from the Lord—away from our faith. 

Naming the Demon winds that seek to control us is the first step in conquering them. The next step is the one Peter took today in the Gospel. We call on Jesus to take our hand and save us. He alone calms the winds of doubt. He alone places our feet on the solid ground of faith again.

Peter, Jane Frances de Chantal, Paul of the Cross, Thérèse of Lisieux, and Teresa of Calcutta are bright lights of hope when doubt seems to win the battle for our soul. They all did the same thing in their uncertainty and in their darkness. They reached out their hand and called on the name of Jesus. He pulled them from the pit of doubt and placed them back on the path of faith. 

Doubt does not come only once in our life. We know from these Holy Ones that the strong winds will often assail us, sometimes for extended periods. When the Demons of doubt push us around, we, like all other Holy Men and Women of God in trust, call out Jesus’ name. He will grasp our hand and pull us from the sea of doubt. 

In God’s Unending Love,

Gwen