The Dance of Doubt and Faith
Sometimes I think Thomas has gotten a bad deal. Throughout all of history, he is only remembered as the doubter. Doubting Thomas is a moniker we use to chide someone slow to believe something we are telling them. Perhaps, we are too hard on Thomas.
This Gospel (JN 20:24-29) made me think of all the things I doubt. I doubt my friend when he tells me he scored under 100 in his last golf game. I doubt the stock market will do what the Fed predicts. I doubt it when I hear the weather report. I suspect almost everything I hear in the news. I question what politicians tell me and what I read on the internet.
Sometimes I even doubt myself when I think I can accomplish a task at work or around the house. That list could actually continue. But the point is made. Doubt is a typical response when something seems to lack credibility, seem outlandish, or verges on the impossible.
Thomas’s doubt that a man that he had seen die and be buried, had risen from the dead, may not be all that hard to understand. I know I have doubted many things that were far less unusual than that. Thomas has carried that doubt as his legacy throughout the centuries. We must continue to identify Thomas with the doubt he expressed. Because, believe it or not, uncertainty is a good thing. Thomas actually grants us a blessing by his doubting.
When Jesus appeared the second time, Thomas was with the disciples. Jesus speaks personally to him and invites him to touch the wounds and to believe. Thomas’s response is “My Lord and my God.” In stories of the resurrection appearances of Jesus, this is the first time any of those he appeared to refer to Jesus as God. It may have taken a step or two for Thomas to get there, but when he recognized Jesus, his doubt vanished. He didn’t only see Jesus risen from the dead. He saw God. That makes his insight even more profound than that of the other apostles. They saw Jesus risen; Thomas saw God. Thomas’s doubt actually brought him to a deeper insight into Jesus and a more profound faith.
When we have doubts about our faith life, we often see it as a failure. We punish ourselves thinking that we should believe. We should not question. We should be beyond doubt at this point in our life. When I was in the convent, I had a novice director who used to say, “Don’t should on yourself.” We beat ourselves up with recriminations for our weakness. We see doubt as a weakness of faith. But if we turn the prism of judgment we are looking through just a little, we can see that doubt is necessary for there to be faith. Without a doubt, we do not have faith, we have fact.
Rob Bell, a popular speaker about faith, said, “For many people in our world, the opposite of faith is doubt. The goal, then, within this understanding, is to eliminate doubt. But faith and doubt aren’t opposites. Doubt is often a sign that your faith has a pulse, that it’s alive and well, and exploring and searching. Faith and doubt aren’t opposites; they are, it turns out, excellent dance partners.”
The message for all of us today is simple. Relax. Don’t worry. Allow doubt to take its turn on the dancefloor of your soul. When it is finished, Faith will dance the finale with a flourish. The dance of doubt and faith will not only happen once in our life. It will happen every now and again as we grow and age. The music will begin, and the dance between doubt and faith will start again in our soul. In the end, faith will always take the final bow.
Searching and questioning are good. They make our Amen stronger and our faith deeper. Sometimes we can sing out in our loudest voice, “Amen,” believing with all our hearts. Sometimes we can only whisper, asking God to push doubt aside and take control of our hearts and souls again. Either way, shouted or whispered, our Amen is all that is important.
May God Bless us all as we intone our Amen. Together we will create a heavenly harmony of faith.
In God’s Unending Love,
Gwen
